Sunday, July 10, 2016

Embittered contemplations.

I am growing weary. I am contemplating taking a hiatus from Twitter. I realize I have loyal followers who have followed me for a few years; however, lately, I have become increasingly embittered. 

I don't feel comfortable with who I am becoming. 

All my life I have never judged anyone based on their skin color or their race. I have always loved and enjoyed learning about other cultures, even those on the other side of the earth. I have always loved anthropology, loved learning etymological roots of different languages and how they have interwoven through time, loved studying archeological research from all cultures. 

However, within the last few years I have begun to notice increasingly vitriolic rhetoric online and in all facets of media that is dangerously Anti-White in nature. At first when I began to notice it, I didn't think too much about it. It can't be ignored anymore. 

The incessant Anti-White rhetoric has put me on the defensive, as all White Americans should rightfully feel during these times. Anti-White rhetoric awakened me to a very serious threat against my loved ones. A threat that I won't tolerate. So, I have now become racially aware, whereas before I never really was. 

I have always stood up for the underdog. I've stepped in countless times as a young child when I saw black kids being antagonized by white kids, and vice versa. I would always step into the middle of it to break up the conflict. 

I believe with my whole heart in unity. Individuals unified and working together to make our Nation something that we can always be proud about. 

But, my tone online doesn't align with my true core. After defending myself from someone's nasty rhetoric against me, after spewing venom back at venom, I always feel badly. It always hurts me. I don't want to hurt people, and when I feel as if I have gone against that belief, it always ends up hurting me. Maybe the other person involved who I spoke harshly to... Maybe they don't even think twice about my words. That doesn't matter. I do. I revisit what I said after the heat of the moment, and I always feel badly. 

But, I am angry. 

I don't want to close my heart off to other cultures and races, although there are days when I feel it happening out of self-defense. I don't want to become bitter, angry, closed off. That's no way to live. A closed off heart is suffocating to the soul. 

I was born with a Merciful heart, a heart of compassion and love. That heart is becoming hardened. And, I don't like that unnatural version of me. 

I might take a step back from the cesspool of Twitter. Take a break for a short time or permanently. 

Our time on this earth is so precious. We never know if we will be here from one moment to the next. Look at us. Arguing with strangers online not knowing if that moment might be our last. 

I've always been afraid to truly embrace the fullness of the mercy I always felt deep within me. I can't explain what it feels like because it is so powerful, this thing called mercy. When I focus my energy on what I feel in my heart, it feels like a powerful flowing river. It is painful but in an amazingly strong way. It feels like my heart will explode into thousands of sparks of light. I just can't explain how it feels. 

I love humanity. I weep for what we have become. Where is our light? Our Love? 

Please, can we stop warring? Let our children have peace? 

Can we please not destroy this wonderful Nation we call America? 


11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written and amazingly parallel with my thoughts. I'm a 31 year old male and I feel like your words were taken from my thoughts. I'm starting a blog, maybe we could collaborate? Peace to you and your mission! -James

SalixSalicaceae said...

I know the feeling. I'm commanded to love everyone equally, but my survival, and the survival of my people, depends on being racially aware in a time when we're this divided. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I know we're far past that point, too. There's no getting around being targeted for being white like we are now.
Promote what's in your heart, but never stop defending your people. The difference between you and them, is that you have a conscience about all this. It's okay to speak your conscience.

Anonymous said...

I've noticed I didn't see your tweets as I had nearly stopped myself. Couldn't see your profile, take time to enjoy what you have available, we can only do so much. Anyways thank you for all your knowledge and great sources. CC TS

Anonymous said...

We have no choice but to fight. The Western world is being destroyed and whites are under threat of extinction. The world has always been like this; predatory. This is a new kind of battle, one in which we must break the psychological conditioning of our own people. Try to not get emotionally involved. If a bear attacks when walking in the woods, we do not waste a moment of time and energy being upset at the injustice of it, or that the bear has no right to attack us, we just do what we must to survive.

In the situation we find ourselves in now, we must fight for the right to exclude, preserve our people, culture and heritage. It is the great battle of our age, and heroes will be born from this conflict. We fight, or we disappear, it has always been this way. Have courage, hone your rhetoric and fight. There is no rest for us, there is no getting our mind off the danger facing us. Take courage, we need you.

Jimmy Mac said...

You're not alone. I feel the same way. It's beginning to consume me. It's our ancestral DNA literally crying out from inside us. Our children's future is at risk. The worst part about it is that we know who are the culprits. That bothers me the most !

Anonymous said...


Your people are proud of you. Don't lose heart. We love bravery.

Anonymous said...

Well, I understand where you're coming from. I was always the SAME way. But there is a constant pushing of identity politics, except for people of European descent. We believe in everyone working together and putting aside differences such as race, but racists want to push hatred towards us, and we're supposed to be the assholes when we point to the double standard.

Anonymous said...

I feel exactly as you do, maybe a bit less forgiving and merciful because I am male. I want to thank you for being one of several that opened my eyes to what tbe Jews are doing and most importantly the why they are doing it. Our regret at waging this battle comes from our culture that teaches mercy, self introspection and nuance. What we have to accept is this is not present, at least to the same degree in other peoples.
If not for what I am seeing the Jews do in our society today and the history in Germany, Russia as a reference point I never would have believed it. We must press the issue as you have done and continue to wake up others before we are immigrated out of existence as a people.

Perry

Anonymous said...

Your thoughts echo mine. I never wanted to hate anyone or get tangled up in this whole mess that is the world, but here we are, forced to defend our own people. I look at our present struggle as one of necessity. I follow your Twitter and RT your stuff a lot. You may recognize me as one whose username is a spelling of the great god of the Germanic peoples. This is a spiritual struggle. We are allies on Earth and above, to defend our people and save what is left of our culture. The way forward is not to hate others but to love our own people. Just like a mother who becomes enraged at those who dare to hurt her children, hate for those who attempt to destroy our people becomes synonymous with love for our own. It is about necessity and survival. There is no shame or regret in that, only honor because we know our cause is the just one!

Anonymous said...

feel your pain. it does sometimes feel like the white race is under attack, especially being white and living in the US. If I may give you a tip, take time to inform yourself about the evolution of our universe and our species. It gave a me a whole lot of understanding and humility. Nobody comes out of this life a winner. when i look at the state of things on this our precious earth, "the thing the worries me the most is the fact the people with the least ability to make decisions based on science and reason, tend to multiply the most"

MsPublius1 said...

It's interconnected and the small river of knowledge we pass on, may become the roaring rapids that carve out a new landscape. Peace is the answer, but rolling over while allowing another powerful force deletes our entire population is unacceptable. For the life of me...I can not figure out why the new work order wants us all to be Muslim and keep Islam as the way of the future?