I want to reach that place of existence that is infinitely gentle and yet like an indestructible rock. I want to exist in that level of consciousness where fear disappears. I want to know what it's like to experience a spiritual joy that occurs on a quiet level of inexplicable ecstasy. I want to know what it's like to feel time stop, where apprehension and regret disappears. Before my mortal life ends I want to feel for only a second that source of joy that is unending and ever present.
On a conscious level I realize that problems are merely artifacts of perception...my perception. As our level of awareness grows and we become closer to the Divine, we no longer identify with the body or mind. Our identification is with our Spirit and the spirits of others. We no longer see a person's physical or bodily manifestation as who they are, but rather we see through their physical being and see their Spirit or Soul. We then interact with others from a purely soulful state. We become less identified with the "I am" of our existence. When we grow into our awareness and a higher vibrational level of being, Pure Awareness shines forth and begins to illuminate what we ARE, WERE, and ALWAYS WILL BE, beyond all worlds and all universes, beyond time, and therefore at that place where infinity truly resides.
Even though I've been a seeker all my life and I've studied the spiritual and philosophical teachings of various masters of existence, I have yet to barely scrape the ladder of conscious evolution. Some might disagree and say that I am higher up the rungs than I perceive myself to be, but I identify with the struggles I still have and what I need to overcome so that I can leap out of the bondage of my ego and psyche. I do know that I have always had an intense desire to reach the state of awareness that brings one to this level of existence. That is the most elemental aspect. The desire must be intense. We must truly desire to reach the state of pure truth where the subjectivity of truth is dissipated and it becomes pure blissful energy that vibrates so forcefully that it actually becomes peaceful and gentle.
To reach this state, one has to act with CONSTANT and universal forgiveness, without any exceptions. One has to be compassionate towards everything, INCLUDING ONE'S OWN SELF and thoughts. This is hard!
Life is at best a subjective experience no matter what its content. However, life is profoundly influenced by the level of our consciousness, as well as the choices that appear as options. Whether life is satisfying or pleasant depends on one's thought processes, which ultimately determine how situations become contextualized.
When the 'me' died the real 'I' was born into awareness, which is where I've found that the source of consciousness and existence resides in the unborn of every single moment. I've only begun to witness what it's like to experience the death of the ego, but with fortitude and diligence I know that I will continue moving upward into the woman I was born to be.